When Men Seek Affirmation from the Patriarchy

Hello, lovely readers.

There's been a video topic sitting in my notes app since November of 2023. I forgot about it, but, recently, my interest has been reignited. In my last newsletter, I asked for video ideas, to which one of you replied, "is the patriarchy winning the internet?"

Well, no. But I’m excited to explore this further with you. In two upcoming videos, we’ll analyze “patriarchal desirability.” In the first video, though, we have to talk about Matt Rife.

At the end of 2023, Rife starred in a Netflix comedy special where he made a “joke” about domestic violence. Sitting at a restaurant, he and his friends see a waitress with a black eye. His friend mentions that the woman should be kept back in the kitchen, where no one can see her. Matt states, “jokingly,” that if she was good in the kitchen, she wouldn’t have the black eye to begin with.

When outrage ensued over this “joke,” Rife took to social media to assuage those “offended.” He posted a link to an apology, which instead led to a website selling helmets for people with disabilities. He then appeared on Jordan Peterson’s podcast, where he doubled down on everything he said.

Matt has always prided himself on being an edgy, controversial comedian. He wants to be taken seriously in an inherently unserious profession. But as he rose to stardom through viral Tik-Toks, he found himself in a predicament.

Before the backlash, Rife's demographic was, in his words, 90% women. He hated this. In part because Matt thought these women were fans of him "for the wrong reasons," but also because it made him feel like an unserious artist. Historically, artists who are primarily admired by women are often viewed as superficial or untalented. Think The Beatles in their prime, One Direction in theirs, and K-Pop today.

Matt has stated on numerous occasions that he likes looking into the audience during his show, and seeing the women get icked out, while the men get more engaged. He has said that he wants his shows to feel like a “hangout” amongst “bros.” He has even admitted that he gets excited when he sees a fanboy, because he knows men are fans of him for “pure” reasons.

Before filming his Netflix special, Matt had in mind a goal: to change the demographic of his audience. Talking to Variety, he stated:

"One thing that I wanted to tackle in this special was showing people that, despite what you think about me online, I don't pander my career to women. I would argue this special is way more for guys."

There are many reasons why someone would want to appeal to men. For Matt specifically, as a cis-hetero man, he attempts to be accepted and admired by other cis-hetero men. He desires patriarchal affirmation.

But what do you think?

It would be especially lovely if I could get insight from the men in my audience (I know you're out there)! Men from every walk of life; men of all races, trans men, disabled men, skinny men, plus-size men, nerdy men, queer men, straight men, everyone!! How would you describe your relationship to manhood? What does it mean to appeal to other men? Do you strive to appeal to other men? What do you make of the Matt Rife fiasco?

Everyone else, feel free to tell me your thoughts, as well! And if you want, share this prompt with the men in your life, and get their insight! Feel free to write from the heart. You know I do.

For a chance to have your submission read in the upcoming video, please email your thoughts to tragedyoferrors@shanspeare.com by July 1st, 11:59 p.m. EST. 

Keep in mind that submissions are automatically classified as “anonymous” unless you explicitly state permission for your name to be read out loud! (For example: Hi, my name is [blank] and I give you permission to use my name in your video!) Video submissions and audio submissions are more than welcome!

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Shanspeare <3